The Cheap Dude: Ice Cream Socialists

Gold King Mine, Jerome AZ

We are social creatures who have social skills, develop social networks, join social clubs, and live social lives in social circles.

Universities teach sociologists to work for social betterment and social welfare, and social security keeps seniors from starving.

“Social Studies” is the class grade school kids hate least.

Trestles Beach, San Clemente CA

We all make social calls, whether social butterflies, socialites, social climbers, or, like myself, socially retarded and lacking social grace. Even churches have their redeeming Ice Cream Socials. If social-ism is “evil”, we all have sinned!

Everyone loves (or, to feel socially accepted, pretends to love) the gigantic and Godly United States military; its shared food, housing, and medicine make it, by definition, almost totally socialist.

Professional police harassment, fire crews, a “justice” system, sewage treatment, public health, landfills, city planning—all socialist plots! Your public library is 100% socialist! Hoo-ray!

Phoenix AZ back yard

It’s OK to live alone and try to do everything yourself, but you are much more likely to survive in the society of fellow humans, no matter how dumb they usually seem. Always better to join society, enter the social contract to share and get along as sociably as possible.

Petrified Forest National Park, AZ

Let us now open our Holy Effing Bibles, to the socialist teachings of Jesus Christ:

“If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic…. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back…. ...love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” Luke 6:29, 30, & 35, NIV.

Beaver Creek, AZ

So of course the first Christians were socialists:

“All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.” Acts 2:44-45 NIV.

In theory, all organized religion is socialist, redistributing “tithes” and “offerings” to promote social equality, social justice, social welfare, sometimes even a social gospel, and, by golly, good old Ice Cream Socials. (And perhaps a nice new car for the Pastor.)

Despite what’s taught in church and school, socialism ain’t necessarily bad. The key to success, for every social organization: don’t put a bunch of dicks in charge.

Gold King Mine, Jerome AZ

The sociopathic Owners, who get stuck with the check, may boo-hoo, but where did they get their money? From society and our common socioeconomic system. When the Owners have all the money, what are the rest of us supposed to do? The kindergarten rule still holds: Share, you tightfisted crybabies! Or would you prefer social unrest, social upheaval, social disintegration, social collapse, and/or social ruin? Maybe we could work it out over a bowl of ice cream.