Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Hundredth Dude

Red sky at morning...

Lords and ladies, hot dogs and hand bags, earth people around the circle: welcome to the 100th episode of Cheap Dude. No, I didn’t count them; Goggle listed the last one at 99 and I did the math.

If you thought those first 99 were bad, be grateful you didn’t struggle through the forest of logorrhea that got the axe. Let us honor the occasion by returning to the basic premise, which is something like “Be Happy With Nothing.” More fun, less crap.

Verde Valley, AZ

As always, for immediate revenge on a monstrous consumer culture, stop spending money on shiny objects. Improvise. Here’s my cheap but true breakfast/lunch routine for guidance:

First off, honor your body and available cash, skip the high-speed food and pack your own grub.

Lunch pail: one dollar at a “garage sale” 19 years ago. Repair knots in the handle add class and character. Do not wash, it’ll only get dirty again.

Water bottles are free in lots of places. Or dig an empty out of public trash and clean it. Fill and freeze to keep lunch cold and drink later. By obeying the unbreakable laws of physics, you can reuse the same bottle indefinitely.

Our culture is addicted to plastic packaging, which directly supports financial terrorism by oil Owners. A simple daily payback is to reuse plastic bags. This flower-seed bag has carried a daily home-made “energy-bar” for weeks now, and the clear bags, “chips” from gigantoeconomy size sacks.

(Secret plans for energy-bar development, where art, science, and healthy intestines meet, courtesy of culinary artist/scientist/editor Dudine.)

My tea is loose leaf from the “hippie store” brewed solar in a pickle jar. (Nineteen sixty-sevenths of the cost of bubbly poison “pop”.)

Free plastic bottles, backpacking tested, formerly “medical waste”.

Today’s “sandwich,” classic peanut butter and jelly, on the last two beat-up, slightly moldy, bread slices. (Wasting food is one of the few acts considered deeply sinful at Cheap Half-Acre.) With chips and tea (how British!), deep cheap lunch satisfaction.

With lunch ready for workplace transport, it’s time to gag down some morning food. A banana, about 37 cents. Have another if you actually work for a living. Ex-smokers, think of the savings when you skip those wake-up drags you still wish for. (*cough*)

Boil eggs eight minutes, less’n 25 cents each. Or, boil a cup of water, add a half cup oatmeal, and boil some more--about 14 cents. Add a few cents’ worth of sugar, too--if we quit eating everything that’s bad for us life might not be worth living.

Not recommended are my several cups of dirt-flavor coffee, like Stardbucks but dirt cheap. Finally, you can do what I sadly do after food’s in belly and lunch-box: get to work!

Total price for two meals? I ain’t doing that math, brothers and sisters, let’s just say: Not Much. And if today’s lucky winners can save three bucks a day, that’s $90 a month for electricity, frivolity, or charity—pick your prize!

Free: silver lining!


Off the Road Again

Sometimes when people die in car accidents, surviving relatives and friends erect roadside memorials.

SR89A, milepost 365

Every day cars kill more people than “terrorists” do. Common sense thus dictates a war on cars.

Beaverhead Flat Road, west side

Instead, like most cultures, we gawk at wrecks, breathe waste, and let the gods sort it out.

What does this mean?

SR191 (formerly SR666), across from FR506

 Cheer up, it wasn’t you or I.

SR89A, west Sedona city limit

But, clearly, the automobilists are winning.

SR89A, south of Flagstaff


Part I, Essay IV


NOTHING appears more surprizing to those,

who consider human affairs with a philosophical eye,

than the easiness with which the many are governed by the few;

 and the implicit submission,

 with which men resign their own sentiments and passions to those of their rulers.

When we enquire by what means this wonder is effected, we shall find,

that as FORCE is always on the side of the governed,

the governors have nothing to support them but opinion.

It is therefore, on opinion only that government is founded;

 and this maxim extends to the most despotic and most military governments,

 as well as to the most free and most popular.

David Hume, 1711-1776

SR87 north of Strawberry, AZ

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Reduce Stress--Care Less!

Normally when a person says “I couldn’t care less,” it is a lie. Anyone can care less about anything, if they try. And the less you care, the less you suffer stress.

Phoenix AZ

Look at your life. Every thought that paces back and forth in your brain and gives you a head or stomach ache, is caused by caring about someone or something. Maybe there are some people and stuff you should care less about.

Detail of sculpture by Jeff Frabish in Prescott AZ

For instance, why care about yesterday or tomorrow? They don’t exist. Yesterday’s gone forever, and you can put off caring about tomorrow until tomorrow, which is never today.

Flagstaff AZ

It’s easy to care less about your home decor, clothing “style”, or personal beauty, because everyone cares too much. You will always be who you are, no matter how fancy your disguise, so why bother? Gladly save precious time and cash by not caring what people think.

Iron King Mine, Jerome AZ

If you work for, and with, lazy incompetent buffoons, you can work an honest day anyhow, by not caring. Do your part, and let everyone else kiss butts, butt heads, and slack off. (Any similarity to anyone’s former employer is completely intentional.)

Cottonwood AZ

Nature makes us care about the fate of our children far beyond their survival needs--so forget ‘em now and then. Do your parental best, so your conscience is clear, but their penthouse or prison is their own blessed fault in the end. And your animals--unless they are a major food source, how important are they really?

Cottonwood AZ

If you are so poor you must eat food you hate, no one cares, nor should you. Shut up ‘n’ eat, until you are hungry enough to riot. It does no good to worry about far-away starving souls either. What are ya gonna do, mail ‘em a sandwich? If they’re too weak and sick to riot, it’s too late anyhow.

Electronic entertaining ‘world events’ are mostly propaganda and personalities, so end their abuse of your psyche by not caring. Like the ongoing 'holy land’ battle of Judaism versus Islam cheered on by Christians. The same grumpy god inspires all three to jabber hate to the cameras, and all three are correct according to various electrified ‘news’ sources. You are forgiven if you just don’t care anymore.

Prescott AZ

As for sporting events: Seriously? It never matters who wins, nor will it ever. Enjoy the game or skip it. Apathy is critical to all sports fanaticism, since all but the champions are considered losers.

Near Petrified Forest NP, AZ

Many people pretend to care about planetary overheating, but they don’t really, or they’d ride bikes, dry clothes outdoors, and turn off lights and gadgets. You don’t have to care at all, just do your part and you’ll feel better about it. The rest of the folk will follow when the oceans begin to swallow high-end real estate.

Industrial Waste, AZ

If you are suffering through any sort of existential crisis, stop now. God or no god, you still have to get up and go to work in the morning. Believe or don’t, but relax. Logic and hard work will get you through life just fine. God won’t lose sleep over whether or not you believe in It.


And if you stop caring whether or not you die, life blossoms with possibilities. Try sky diving, bull riding, storm chasing, drag racing, cage fighting, or exercising your right to riot peaceably assemble.

Dead Horse Ranch State Park, AZ

As you go about your day, why care what anyone thinks about anything? It takes a lot of reading and thinking to develop an intelligent opinion, and most of the world is too busy surviving, or too stupid, to do much of that. If you unplug every electronic device you will not miss anything important, but gain hours of freedom and mental peace, perhaps time to form your own opinion.

Mt. Kendrick AZ

Take care of what little is worth caring about, your mate, those pesky family/animals/friends, your next meal, the roof leak. Let the rest of it go. All you can do each day is show up and try. And if anyone asks “Who cares?” You can cheerfully say “Not I.”


“You know, country people don’t shine their boots very often. And, they don’t shine other folks’ boots either.”

Tom T. Hall (1936- )

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Uncivilization Lives!

Every medium wants your attention, to sell you stuff. “News” has to make money for its Owners, so it’s another show, a diversion, usually with propaganda. Mostly celebrities, train wrecks, and bad weather wherever.

In reality, greedy folks are ripping out and burning every last bit of “energy” as fast as humanly possible. Too many people, poison everywhere, crazies with high caliber weapons, not enough food or good water, wars and rumors of wars! Life on this tiny cosmic speck is not going well for everyone.

So if you have food in your belly and a warm safe place to sleep tonight, consider yourself very successful. Meanwhile, humans survived for eons without any printed or electrically-powered diversion, so why worry about “the news”?  The real news is always right in front of you.

At Cheap Wildlife Sanctuary, for example, springtime sprang as it always does when the appropriate calendar pages are turned. Desperate beings fight to survive in the wretched high desert!

Terrified mom abandoned her front porch nest when anyone came near, unaware that most humans will run away if you simply try to peck their eyes out. Baby seems angry.

Being free as a bird means you never worry about getting your cleaning deposit back, you just leave your old crap behind.


Meanwhile, on a bow saw atop a back porch tool cabinet, this brave bird-brain built a shoddy nest. She seldom panicked, even when I’d open the cabinet and pieces of nest fell off.


I ventured no closer during this follow-up photo-op--she could easily have pecked my eyes, maybe not out, but enough to really hurt.

Almost erotic the way these two writhed, shamelessly ecstatic before the universe and everybody.

Local bunnies routinely browse my inter--lawn. This brave bunny proves my macho swagger is bogus.

Un-civilization has a dark side of course, which is where desert rats live and move and have their being. Like my van’s engine compartment. I decided that my modern traveling contraption was more important than the well-being of a young family, and soon they were homeless. My own trip to the dark side.

Vacuuming rat nest from an engine is an interface with wild nature which not many folks appreciate. However, re-wiring rat-gnawed wire, while contorting in a tight space, is good exercise, and in 106 degree heat, builds character.

Smoke-rise Over Cornville

More dark news on our doorstep when Oak Creek Canyon cooked. Some nights the wind shifted, the smoke flowed down with the creek, and Cornville looked like Los Angeles in the worse old days. Scientists say fire is how our world will end.

In other science opinions, the universe is like a Lego set of uncountable size and endless combinations, according to a woman with a Bachelor(ette) of Science degree.

Camp Verde, Arizona

For today’s propaganda, a new political “party” I just invented: Interfaith Anarchism. “People or organizations of different religious faiths or creeds,” “…advocating voluntary cooperation and free association of individuals and groups in order to satisfy their needs.” (Definitions from an old hard copy of Webster’s.)

An obituary for this edition, found blowing down the street:

And finally, from the health editor: some doctors might suggest that you shut off your electronics and go play outside while it’s still nice out.

Near Jerome, Arizona


“Today the methods are different—now it’s not the threat of force that ensures the media will present things within a framework that serves the interests of the dominant institutions, the mechanisms today are much more subtle. But nevertheless, there is a complex system of filters in the media and educational institutions which ends up ensuring that dissident perspectives are weeded out, or marginalized in one way or another. And the end result is in fact quite similar: what are called opinions “on the left” and “on the right” in the media represent only a limited spectrum of debate, which reflects the range of needs of private power—but there’s essentially nothing beyond those “acceptable” positions.”
Noam Chomsky, Understanding Power, p. 13