Why Not Live In Your Car?

It’s As Much Fun As It Sounds!

Warm, Dry, Cheap, and Mobile

Sometimes tragedy changes the world for the better. The Banco-Terrorist theft of half the world is a great opportunity for unemployed soon-to-be home-losers. What better reason to begin living in ones automobile?

The larger your vehicle, the more positive this life-changing event. Even in a tiny car you’re dryer, safer, and warmer than half the world. Cleaner, too, if that means anything. If you own a trailer or motor home, consider yourself rich.

After you get laid off from your crappy job, and your finances rapidly dwindle (since, like most working people, you never could save a nickel,) start decorating your clunker’s interior. Trade for a bigger one if you can. Old Cadillacs are roomy and almost free. If you have any ‘available credit’, “borrow” the biggest vehicle you can find. The dealer doesn’t have to know you hope to park it in your cousin’s back lot, and never make a payment.

Car living means total freedom. When life sucks, and everyone is out of work—move! When your neighbors are noisy jerks, get new neighbors--or no neighbors. “Home-owers” can’t drive to a quieter, less-bankrupt town until they miss enough payments. 

Life “on the road.” Impose on relatives, especially that cousin with acreage. Crapmart allows the dispossessed to camp a night on their parking fringes; a nice gesture, since relentless pursuit of “crappiest” sent so many jobs away. In many National Forests you can camp “at-large” for 14 days at a time. Find a job in a nearby town and you’re set, if you don’t mind the six mile dirt (/mud) road, and pitching camp every two weeks.

Parking in the city depends on your house/wheels. If new-ish, park late, on a quiet street, in a “nice” neighborhood. Get out early; rich neighborhoods aren’t often friendly. One late night Cheap Dude street-parked his hammered truck/camper near his cousin’s place by the ocean, and slept in back. An angry flab-wrinkle woke him early, angrily beating the metal bed, “You can’t sleep here!” Too late!

If your mobile-mini-mansion has been “t-boned," “rolled over," or had a window smashed, park in a “rough” neighborhood. You’ll be safe; folks don’t figure such cars in such places worth robbing. Don’t park your glistening Killawinnebago by the homeless camp under the overpass, unless you are lonely and brave. Skip all areas with plywood windows.

If you find work you will need to shower sometimes. This is why, throughout life, it is best to be nice to everyone. Years later they will be glad to see you, sniff, and gladly offer their shower. Clean the sink and toilet while you’re at it, and they’ll make the offer semi-permanent. Otherwise show up to work early, and take a “spit bath” as Pa used to call it. Brush teeth, shave face, dab of stink-pretty for civilization, and you are just another worker.

Without mortgage payment and power bill, you will be able to skip your second job, and spend lots of time at the library, park, or in the revolutionary amusement known as “sitting and thinking.” Quite a lifestyle change, but you’ll adapt.

For thousands of years, humans lived in tents, or mud huts. So what’s the big deal? Somehow, in the States, living in your car means poverty, not freedom. But cars are sturdier, with comfier seats, than any tent or hut.

Moving constantly to find work is normal human behavior--unlike mortgaging your life thirty years for a palatial mud hut. The world is your home, no one ‘needs’ a house. Mankind thrived for millennia without indoor plumbing, fancy mattresses, or color-coordinated kitchens.

Some people move into their cars out of desperation. Why wait until then? Move out now, to hell with the Psychotic Pursuit of Unattainable Happiness. Plan ahead, and be comfortable and stress free. As the empire circles the drain, you’ll be meeting lots of new home-driving friends. Perhaps together you can find a more Meandering Pursuit of Reasonable Contentment.