As if a Penny Pinching B didn’t have enough problems, Cheep found self taking drags off stupidly-cig-addicted adult child’s delicious red-boxed Gnarlboros--the Perrier of cancerous pre-rolled U.S. cigs. The dumb B’d already quit like a dozen times. It was not that far from a hit off a glass pipe. Dangerous, all that, cigs too.
Don’t do it, Cheep, stay off the Nic, comrade! Wait til they cure cancer then buy a carton. Or chew, then you can see the cancer coming on, sometimes.
New anti smoking slogan. Nic is a vasoconstrictor, which reduces blood flow in general. It literally will hinder, uh, maximum blood flow. To all areas of the body. Hence:
Smoking Makes Your Stuff Smaller
Nice circumlocution, huh? And at five bucks plus per daily fix, that Stuff too.
Fade to photo of the Gnarlboro Man. Up close he looks like your neighbor’s creepy grandpa, but right now he’s wearin’ Cowboy Duds, lookin’ tough ‘n’ mean out on the range in the Old West.
Cough.
Helpful hint: How to know whether or not you are Addicted: there is no longer any internal debate over whether you will buy More. No if, just when. This goes for all substances, you self-righteous Sugar Freaks.
Addiction is always fun at first. Not so much later. It never quite goes away, just circles around like a buzzard, waiting for a peck at you. No choice: Flip it off and move on. Hey now we have stumbled over an anti-drug mantra too:
“Flip Off, Move On”
%$#@!
Bulletin from Impecunious Kitchen: Extreme Condiment-Free Snaxwiches.
1) Take one slice of fake meat food product named after an Italian city, from the “out of date” pack in the back of the fridge. Two slices bread. Insert product between bread. Eat.
2) A tomato on the counter is starting to wrinkle. Slice, then assemble between two bread slices. Eat.
3) A triple-decker may be attempted if the rest of the “Bologna” needs used up, or another tomato decomposing. Enjoy!
%$#@!
It may be observed that the ill individual responsible for these words uses only the Cuss Words of the Holy Bible. That is, King James’ Three, “ass,” “damn,” and “hell,” and only when necessary; King George’s Seven will not be used here.
Ideas can cause plenty of trouble on their own. Certain words make some readers switch you off the second they run into them. The Cheep-cheep always tries to talk nice, it’s how mankind gets along, and usually there’s no reason not to eh?
***
If you are bored today, check out my exchange with a war lover at the local little paper.
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